Let the Wookiee Win: A blog.

The return of a true classic

2010-05-27T03:52:00.000-07:00

If we went to high school together you may have seen this before. If you didn't allow me to introduce Tallman, The tallest man in the world:

(Click to view)

Some thoughts on: Wrestlemania: The Album

2010-03-11T23:28:00.000-08:00

Throughout pretty much my entire childhood I was a big fan of wrestling. I discovered the character through Hulk Hogan's Rock n' Wrestling and later was introduced to actual wrestling by my Aunt Joan when she rented the 88 Survivor Series and watched it with me one night. From that point on I was a big fan of the WWF and it's cast of colourful characters. So much so, in fact that in 1993 when the superstars of the WWF got together to record Wrestlemania: The Album, it was number one on my Christmas list.

Because I have a cool mom, (who also liked wrestling) she knew how important it was for me to get this tape and lo and behold Christmas morning I woke up and unwrapped Wrestlemania the Album and wrestled it out of one of those cases they had at HMV that put the tape at the top of a weird plastic tower. You know the ones right? Why did tapes come in those things?

Zoom to present day. I am at work and want to hear some cool music. Why not throw on the youtube version of the song "Wrestlemania" from Wrestlemania the Album, I think. So ok, listen to this

Ok, so a few things.

I never realized how dumb it was before, but they open up Wrestlemania: The Album with a song called Wrestlemania that opens with a guy saying "Are you readyyy for the SURVIVOR SERIES!?" The answer to this question is yes, obviously I am ready for the Survivor Series, but I thought this was wrestlema- oh ok then the guy comes in and says "it's 93 it's time for Wrestlemania-ania-ania" oh ok fine.

So after being told to pump it up a few times we get to the part where the wrestlers contribute to the songs. No, not by crooning a melody or even singing about wrestling type things, (turnbuckles, steel chairs etc.) its just wrestlers cutting really poor promos about how they're going to kick your ass - and just to be clear, this is entirely what this album is.

First up is Hacksaw Jim Duggan with this gem of a "lyric": "Take a look what you got now, that's Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and when you get into the ring I'll show you how to get beat up!"
SO I don't get it. Does this mean that when I get into the ring, you're going to get beat up like as an example? You'd think someone recording this audio like in a studio or whatever would be like, "Uh Hacksaw, that sounds like you're the one going to get beat up, so lets try that again!" Where as instead the WWF paid a guy minimum wage to record this in his basement and when Hacksaw laid down that turd of a promo the guy said "Duggan, that was perfect, now help yourself to that bag of cheetos but don't touch any of those mountain dews."

Next up is Tatanka: "The way Tatanka sees it, to climb, to the top, in the World Wrestling Federation, Tatanka, will be, successful." First of all Tatanka, this is not a plan to get to the top of the WWF. You started that like you were going to tell us how to be successful but then your plan just to "be successful". Sort of a given isn't it? In order to be successful you have to, well, BE successful. Sure I guess, but instead why didn't you just say nothing at all? Oh wait, that’s exactly what you just did.

Ok so this next one is long so I'll skip typing it out, it's the Big Boss Man and for some reason they let him drone on about how all he ever wanted to do was be a cop, basically. Well I got news for you, fake cop wrestler, you didn't achieve your goals. You are a fake cop wrestler. Stop telling me to be a cop when you're not even a cop, man.

So far Wrestlemania the song is sort of a dud, I mean sure, it has a pretty cool hip-hop beat but really not much else going for it, Straight up wrong intro mixed with peculiarly worded wrestler quotes does not a hit single make. Also, it doesn't get any better as you listen to the rest of the song. One of the Nasty Boys says he's going to cram "Nasty Stuff" down my throat all though '93 (Which thankfully just didn't happen) and Bret Hart comes on and yells at you about how he is the champion. Oh and another boring rant from the Boss Man about how he likes to follow rules. All in all, this is one musical song that has lost its luster in the eyes of this blogger.

This blog post is way too late.

2010-02-16T23:35:00.000-08:00

Guys I meant to write this blog a while ago but a few things have stepped in the way. Mainly video games and watching Survivor. However the time has come to list the movies I saw last year that were made in that same year. I've divided the list into 3 teams and assigned each team logos which are based on some really neat album covers I think you all should be more familiar with. Also, I added a few comments so you know where I'm coming from. Check them out, the best of 09 that I saw in 09!

Team Comme Ci Comme Ca

Where the Wild things Are - Visually this movie was pretty impressive but that and Catherine Keener were sadly all that was impressive. I kept waiting for the monsters to freak out and rip apart that kid who was obviously too old to be this big a baby. Also I didn't particularly like the voices chosen for the monsters. Only Catherine O'Hara's had any real spark and also seemed to fit the giant head it was coming out of. Not a terrible movie, just pretty boring for something that looked so cool. (3/5 Stars)

The Men Who Stare at Goats - I'm a big fan of George Clooney and an even bigger fan of Jeff Bridges* so it's too bad this movie was just ok. The fact that I can barely even remember anything about it right now pretty much shows how this movie affected me. Big huge mehs all around. *Bonus fact: Jeff Bridges just plays a much weaker version of The Dude in this movie! (3/5 Stars)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - A lot of you hated this movie. I watched the leaked version without special effects and thought, "Hey, aside from the brutal embarassment of an ending, this movie wasn't nearly as bad as people said it was." Sure, it was by no stretch of the imagination any good and was in fact, quite bad but I just couldn't help but enjoy it. Is there something wrong with me? Yes. Yes there is. (2/5 Stars)

Watchmen - I remember walking out of the watchmen being pleasantly surprised, however now when I think back on it all I remember is Dr. Manhattan's dong. (3.5/5 Stars)

Year One - Year One should really be in the good category because it made me laugh really hard a few times. But a few times was all of the times I laughed. It was a little too uneven to be considered really good but I still recommend it. Jack Black and Michael Sera really should make another movie together, though. Maybe one where they're both silent era film stars and they have to embark on some Indiana Jones- like quest. Maybe it's co-starring Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig and Mila Kunis? I don't know why I said Mila Kunis that was completely out of nowhere. (3/5 Stars)

Team You're No Good

Because I don't see that many movies in theatres every year for various reasons, (ie I hate theatres, I hate people, I hate spending money) I only really see the ones I think I will really like. Luckily this usually means I usually see decent to good movies most of the time. This keeps the garbage quotient low, but not quite at zero.

The Invention of Lying - This movie sucks. I love Ricky Gervais and Tina Fey specifically, and despite the fact Gervais wrote this, it is very bad. It's not so much a movie about a world where people only tell the truth as it is about a world where people have no inner monologue at all. Which may sound like an equally intriguing idea, but trust me, it's toilet crust. 2 good scenes (one. a flashback starring Stephen Merchant and Barry from Eastenders, the other an incredibly heartfelt scene involving Ricky Gervais' character and his mother) are just not enough to save this jumbled mess of what should have been decent. (1.5/5 Stars)

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - Easily the worst Harry Potter movie. You'd think with a name like "The Half-Blood Prince" somewhere in the movie they'd be looking for, or at least casually wondering who this Half-Blood Prince is, right? (Mostly I think that because it happened in the book.) Well, if you thought that you'd be wrong. What's wrong with you? Everyone knows if you have a movie with a title like that, you barely mention it somewhere around the 33 minute mark, neglect to mention it again until about the 142 minute mark and then treat it like it's some huge reveal! Now THAT'S showbiz! (1/5 Stars)

Team So Sick

Star Trek - Star Trek is probably the best Trek movie, let's all stop fooling ourselves. I love Khan and First Contact and Undiscovered Country as much as the next loser, but you must admit that making Star Trek cool was something you didn't think was even remotely possible before this came out. (5/5 Stars)

Terminator 4: Rise of the Machines - Let's be honest, the Terminator franchise is nothing without James Cameron and a young Arnold Schwarzenegger and since those guys are pretty commited to making 3D Pocahontas movies and you know, governing a state, it's doubtful they'll ever come back to make any more. So we have to face facts: we are all getting some more of these "T" movies that will never hold a candle to T2 so we might as well stop comparing them. Do that, and then watch T4. It's actually not that bad. Sam Worthington really makes the movie and while I pretty much hate the director he manages to churn out a pretty decent little action movie. Sure half the lines and almost every fight scene are directly lifted from Terminator 2, but maybe that's why I liked it? I'm a fool for dystopian settings, what can I say. (3/5 Stars)

Inglorious Basterds - The only thing I have to complain about this amazing movie is that I wanted more Nazi killing. More violence overall really. Best performance of the year easily turned in by Christoph Waltz. Chick was a babe, Brad Pitt with a cool accent, Hitler freaking out, what the hell else do you want in a feature length motion picture? (4/5 Stars)

District 9 - Perhaps the best science-fiction movie of the last decade, District 9 is really a great piece of work. I was so happy to hear it had been nominated for best picture. "Finally," I said, "A year where a sci-fi movie I love has a shot at winning best picture." Well I did say that, until I also found out the next movie was nominated, even thought it really isn't close to being as good... (5/5 Stars)

Avatar - Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Avatar. It is on the good list. James Cameron KNOWS sci-fi/action better than any other director in the world ever. But this movie aside from the visuals is pretty much a remake of: fill in the movie already mentioned a million times in every review, ie. Pocahontas, Dances with Wolves, Ferngullty, etc. also known as completely unoriginal. That being said, I liked it. The more I think about it, the more I like it in fact. Strong performances and some amazing 3D obviously make up for the story shortcomings and Avatar really is a pretty sick movie. Really the only other major issue I had with Avatar is that Giovanni Ribisi's character should have been renamed Carter Burke and played by Paul Reiser. What can I say, if it aint broke don't fix it, right? (4/5 Stars)

Fantastic Mr. Fox - I think Fantastic Mr. Fox was my favourite movie of the year. Now I obviously didn't see a lot of good movies, but I saw a couple and of those couple I left the theatre most satisfied and most impressed with this one. I think it's interesting in a year where movies have made such amazing leaps forward visually, whether it be Avatar or Where the Wild Things Are, the movie my eyeballs liked the most is the one that used techniques from the 60s (or whatever) . I seriously recommend this one to everyone. if you have kids go see it. If you're married, go see it. And for the love of Christ if you have stop motion animated foxes, GO SEE THIS MOVIE. SERIOUSLY, THATS LIKE, ALL THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT. (5/5 Stars)

Overall I think 2009 was a pretty great year for movies. I'm still working through the Oscar nominations and I'll have a similar update about those in the futurepeeeeeeeace

The Summer Party Scene

2009-07-09T03:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend the party train took off from the party airport with me and my friends aboard and we partied hard on the cool crisp taste of Carlsberg's latest brand of drink: Party Beer. Ok, so it was just regular Carlsberg beer but make no mistake it caused a party.

Some of the things that happened included Punch Out, Slaps and Street Weed.

Sounds violent and weird but trust me we laughed and didn't feel weird.

Now I am about to embark on a mini vacation to the surprisingly beautiful Sarnia, Ontario. Yeah that's right, now I know usually people think of tall smoke stacks and polluted water when they think of the SARN. But truth be told the waterways are quite clean and the jetskis are plentiful.

Don't believe me? Check this out, dicknose:

That's me in the SARN, jettin like a real water guy.

Jettin, that's what we call it in pure SARN town. Lets talk about Jetski's for a second ok?

Here's your regular, non jetski summer:

Now here's your summer with one jetski:

That's right, just the addition of one jetski to your summer turns you from a crying Chinese kid being made fun of by his peers to a cool teen in shades puffin on a dart who fuckin loves the Cleveland Cavaliers. But what would happen if you added MORE JETSKIS?

2 Jetski summer:

2 Jetskis later and you are a wicked cool dude who's got it all figured out. Your hat and moustache might look dumb to everyone else, but you're at a sweaty dance party with your buddies and you don't gve a shit because you're drunk and all hell and even though theres no babes in THIS picture, you're just not worried about it.

AND FINALLY, what I am actually about to partake in, the elusive 3 JETSKI SUMMER:

Congratulations because you've experienced a 3 jetski summer you are the coolest dude around.

You are Han Solo.

Now go outside, ride those 'skis, and party so damn hard that when you get back to work on Monday or whatever, you can tell all your lamewad co-workers that you are frigging Han Solo and you rode 3 jetskis to the damn Alderaan system but when you got there you partied so hard you blew up the whole goddamned planet. And then tell them to SHUT UP!

Everyone have a good weekend.

BYE.

Party Jamz Guy!

2009-06-25T03:02:00.000-07:00

PARTYTIME!

So far this summer has been a non stop roller coaster ride of softball, comedy shows, Ghostbusting and staying up way too late when I should be sleeping. It has also seen the return of a harder party, the likes of which has not been seen out of me since University days when I used to give obnoxious westside hand signals in pictures and drink lots of not-obnoxious malt liquor.

In this party renaissance of late I have grown fond of being in control of a party's music and if I can convince the sucker who's party it is to let me, I'll try my best to get a strong dance party started. Now I'm not a DJ, but I've gained a lot of respect for that profession as a result. However there are some songs I just wish DJ's would give more respect to, some personal favourite party jams. And they go like this:

Feel Me Flow

Naughty By Nature
Poverty's Paradise
1995

There's no youtube link to this song anymore so here's the MTV.ca video:
http://www.mtv.ca/music/video_search_play.jhtml?id=260249&input=Naughty+By+Nature

Naughty By Nature makes the best Hip-Hop anthems, hands down. OPP, Hip Hop Hooray, THIS SONG. These guys just know how to get a party bouncin. Trust me, much like in the video, play this song on a hot summers day, maybe while you are sitting around your friend's convenience store and just jam.

Hey but seriously, what happened to Naughty By Nature? These guys were so cool EVERYONE was in their video for Hip Hop Hooray. Even Eazy E! You knwo these guys have got cred when Eric Wright shows up in their video even if it is for a very unhappy 3 seconds.

For similar jams also see: Naughty By Nature - Jamboree; Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray; Salt N Pepa - Whatta Man

Walking on Sunshine

Katrina & The Waves
Self Titled
1985

The embedding is disabled for some completely terrible reason, bad luck so far with these videos eh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eONhto0x_nI

Ok, you may think I'm crazy for this one. But trust me gang, if you're hitting a playlist that contains some 80's or early 90's music and people are not feeling the party as much as they could be, toss this high octane waterslide of a song on and people will go nuts. Girls especially love this tune and it makes them jump around like idiots. Which in this case is great.

I call this song a waterslide because in grade 6 I won Wild Water Kingdom tickets from popular disc jockey Tarzan Dan on AM 640 and he played this song right after having me say how much I loved his radio station. I taped that onto a radio compilation "tape" that I ended up keeping till high school. That tape was the best. I'm pretty sure I also had Sure Shot on there. Also I had that song Wide Load. Hey man, they can't all be winners ya know?

For similar jams also see: Pointer Sisters - Neutron Dance; Huey Lewis & The News - Power of Love

Young Turks
Rod Stewart
Tonight I'm Yours
1981

Ever been at a party with a bunch of hipsters who don't really know how to party? Like they want to party but they keep thinking it has something to do with scarves? So they end up standing around trying looking bored on purpose? No, me neither I don't hang out at those places man, weak scene. However if you were at such a lame party by accident, play Young Turks and watch the smiles creep across everyone's faces as they sing along and eventually dance along with this amazing party jam.

Rod Stewart may not be the first name you think of when I say the words PARTY JAM but one of the craziest dance parties I've ever been a part of started with this song and got to the point where people were coming in off the street because the house was rocking so hard. In short, ROD STEWART now equals PARTY JAM.

For similar jams also see: David Bowie - Modern Love; Phil Collins - Sussudio

So next time you throw a party and are thinking of music to really get it bumpin, don't be so fast to ONLY play your favourite Lil' Jon Krunk-inspired mashups or your CD of Jock Jamz 97, try on a few upbeat songs that maybe people have forgotten about or just underestimated, you'll see a marked improvement in babes to dudes ratio and you just might have a wicked dance party.

New shit

2009-06-18T03:33:00.000-07:00

So you may have noticed some changes around the blog if you haven't been here in a while. Biggest is the name and theme of the thing. No longer is this a blog JUST about my opinions on motion pictures. Now it will contain many opinions from me on just about anything. I originally had intended the theme to give me fuel for things to write about, but lately it has been more constricting than freeing. Also, since the name DJ Sports' Movie Blog doesn't make sense anymore I've decided to call this thing "Let the Wookiee Win: A Blog" mostly because I couldn't think of anything else. Ok also I changed the layout even though I dont think I like it. We'll see.

Ok thats everything for right now. Until I have something to actually say, laterrrrrr

Cool Star Wars thing and Fav movie #39!

2009-06-10T00:23:00.000-07:00

If you read this blog you know I like Star Wars. So to that end here is a really cool link to a SomethingAwful photoshop contest where they Star Wars-ified classic art. Results included things like this:

Alright on to the actual blog. I've decided to pick up where I left off with my fav/least fav movie list.

Favourite #39

Annie Hall

I was introduced to Annie Hall in university by my now most trusted source for movie advice, (except when it comes to Star Wars Episode 2) my friend Greg. I must say I have to thank him for showing me easily the best romantic comedy of all time.

Rom-com is not a genre I easily enjoy. Then again, Annie Hall is a Woody Allen movie first and a romantic comedy second. Really, I don't even feel right saying its a romantic comedy, I feel like that demeans the picture. It's so much more than that, so much funnier and real than any stupid romantic comedy made in the last 20 years by far.

In this movie you find out a few things you may not have known.

a) Diane Keaton was once a real babe.

b) Woody Allen is truly hilarious and he hates L.A.

c) Christopher Walken is in this, and surprise! He plays a creep. (Ok I guess you might have known that but its the original creep performance from him, so it's real funny and not just kind of "meh" like some other Walken movies. Who by the way, I love, but really the guy will do anything.)

and finally

d) This movie contains the funniest parking/curb joke I've ever heard.

So in conclusion, if you haven't seen any Woody Allen movies and you can only see one, I'm pretty sure this is the one to watch. So do that. Also figure out why it is you can only watch one Woody Allen movie.

Couple of Recent Flicks

2009-01-14T01:57:00.000-08:00

In between playing the amazing Fallout 3 on Xbox 360, I watched a few movies last week. Some were new, some were old, some were right in the middle there. Last week's newer entries in the "Movies I Watched Roundup" were The Wrestler and Ghost Town, here's what I thought of 'em.

The Wrestler

Mickey "The Stork" Rourke and Headshrinkers' former manager Afa,
remember the Headshrinkers? Samu and Fatu? If you don't, you can;t come to my next wrestling-themed costume party.

When I heard about The Wrestler back around TIFF I was pretty stoked. As a pretty big fan of wrestling I was pretty excited to see a realistic, hard hitting, character driven piece based on something that you don't see tackled in movies very often. Much like the 1999 documentary Beyond the Mat, it's a fairly depressing look behind the scenes of a sport and a type of person most people have little to no respect for and it forces you to love both. Mickey "Mittey" Rourke really is amazing as Randy "The Ram" Robinson and Darren Aranofsky's choice to shoot the thing almost entirely hand held gives it the much needed documentary feel. I say much needed because the style of camerawork helps ward off the shittyness of the somewhat shitty scenes featuring Evan Rachel Wood. Seriously, Evan Rachel Wood is a wookiee when it comes to acting. In order to get her point across she just kind of makes unintelligable grunts and noises while waving her arms in the air. Bad casting choice? Ahyeah.

All that aside though, the thing I really loved about The Wrestler was that you really believed that Randy The Ram was a real wrestler. In fact I wish he was real, what a great finishing move! the Ram-Jam? Are you kidding me? Double elbow smash off the top ropes? Why hasn't anyone else thought of that? Great flick, if you haven't seen it yet, please do so. Marisa Tomei's boobs are also in it, and they give a solid performance.

Ghost Town

Why did I watch Ghost Town you ask? Well, despite not being a fan of romantic comedies (except those starring John Candy and/or Robert Downey Jr) I am a big fan of Ricky Gervais and since this is really his first film where he is the star, I figured I should see how he handles it.

Well the good news is this: Gervais is very funny, Greg Kinnear is his regular charming self and Tea Leoni gives a surprisingly likable performance considering her role could easily be soooo annoying. Despite these solid performances, Ghost Town is boring. Even Ricky Gervais being pretty funny and showing he can actually act too, isn't enough to separate this movie from countless other ghost-related romantic comedies/dramas.

That last comment actually says a alot because I currently think Ricky Gervais is one of the funniest people on the planet. Man, I can't wait until the movie he's writing with Stephen Merchant is done. Oh baby is that ever going to be funny. In fact, if you were to ask me what I think this movie will be like while I was on a roller coaster, I might give you this reaction:

So in short, see The Wrestler, and skip Ghost Town unless you really love Ricky Gervais but even then it's not that good.

My next blog entry might be ALL about Terminator 2 and how it might very well be the perfect movie, obviously aside from the original Star Wars Trilogy which, if watched back to back to back, is the perfect movie.

Until I update again, go listen to Guns & Roses' "Estranged" and air guitar your fucking dick off.

Your pal,
Andy

2008: The Year Comic Book Movies Got Respect

2009-01-09T02:49:00.000-08:00

Looking at all these year end best of lists and reflecting on the year that was 2008 I can honestly say this: Goddamn it, I am so happy Iron Man and The Dark Knight exist. It's as if all of us comic book reading ~~geeks~~ cool guys who have been screaming and pulling our hairs out over terrible superhero movies in the past have been not only heard, but proven right.

For sure my favourite comic book I discovered on the
internet: Devil Dinosaur. Hey everyone, make this a movie!

What have we been screaming about you might ask? Well, how about about the way superhero movies are made - from studio plot meddling (All Punisher movies), major character changes (Fantastic 4 & X-Men), to the need to dumb every movie down and handle it with kid-gloves. (Every comic book movie ever.)

Pure kid gloves, guy

With respect to such films as Fantastic 4 and X-Men, why would anyone change the plot and/or characters in a comic or graphic novel that has been successful for decades in order to make a movie that appeals to people who didn't care about it in the first place? Here's the thing: these stories are good, these characters and their origins are good, that's why people read the comics in the first place. Also, I understand the kid gloves thing, you don't want your film rated R because teens and kids are the biggest audience for films, but don't try and shoehorn a story about a psycho vigilante Vietnam vet murdering mobsters into a movie where John Travolta mildly pisses off a baby-faced Uncle Jesse lookalike.

I take it back, this is a pretty good villain, Tarzan John Travolta

If you make a movie based on the original stories and characters, regular people will come. Regular people are dumb, if they see something flashy that a group of other, different people are liking a lot, they will go look at it. Even if they aren't totally pleased and then afterward go see "Disaster Movie" and still say it was better, they will see the sequel to the movie they didn't like anyways because they're retarded. To quote Terrence Man from Field of Dreams "People will come Ray, people will most definitely come."* Luckily now (because you studios are listening to us ~~nerds~~ cutting edge spacemen) the movies are good and even more people are coming because the films aren't just flashy things, they're flashy things with substance.

*In this quote Terrence Mann is me and Ray Kinsella is movie studios.

So while these offenses seem to be on their way out, I must say my favourite thing about this new breed of comic book adaptation is by far the treatment of the characters.

Let me lay something on the ground for you. I pretty much hate the Spider-Man movies. They are for kids, by kids. Wait, no that didn't make sense, they are just for kids. Ok so, maybe they're not the worst, in fact the main reason I hate them is the way Spider-Man was not really a character I could identify with despite the situations he was put in that were obviously written so that I would. Poor writing? Poor acting? Poor directing? I'm inclined to believe it's a combination of all 3. It doesn't say much that by the end of the trilogy I felt the 60's version and the 90's FOX Kids version had more depth and likability than Toby Macguire and Sam Raimi's brutal big screen wiener. This all seems to be turning around however because of great scripts (David Goyer), actors treating the roles with respect (Heath Ledger) and directors who want to say something rather than just put a summer blockbuster together to make some cash (Chris Nolan).

Really I'm just happy our beloved protagonists are no longer just cliche spewing cartoon characters. Hopefully this trend continues and we will see a lot more of our favourite comic book heroes and villains getting treated like real characters thanks in no small part to the aforementioned Heath Ledger, Christopher Nolan and David Goyer of TDK, and also to John Favreau & Robert Downey Jr. of Iron Man and sort of to Ed Norton from The Incredible Hulk.

Speaking of TDK, yo remember tapes?

Wow I just read over all that and I have to say my grade 12 English teachers were pretty right on, my awful writing lacks direction and coherence. Sorry for being a shit writer guys, DEAL WITH IT. -AH

OH GOD LOOK OUT!!!!!

2009-01-07T02:13:00.000-08:00

A Brief (and somewhat unlikely) Christmas movie round-up.

2008-12-11T01:53:00.000-08:00

That's right gang, it's about that time of year for everyone to "get in the spirit" or whatever. It's Christmas time and if you're anything like me it means you'll be enjoying big feasts, a lot of drinking and watching a lot of Christmas movies at your parents' house. Now I always seem to have trouble picking what ones to watch so I always end up defaulting to Christmas Vacation, which as we all know is the best Christmas movie if all time. (Honourable mention goes to Home Alone) But let's take a look at a few others that you might not have otherwise thought about this holiday season. You may be pleasantly surprised.

NOTE: There will be no mention of "A Christmas Story." There will be no mention of BB guns or Leg Lamps or little fat blond kids (except maybe Jake Lloyd). I have never seen A Christmas Story. It's nothing personal, it's just one of those things that passed me by as a kid and now I have no interest in seeing it at all. There's probably a few things I liked, but passed you by when you were a kid too. Some may include:

The Snorks

CBC's Video Hits with Samantha Taylor

and finally, CHEWS

Ok? So we all know different things. On to this round-up!

Scrooged (1988)
Starring Bill Murray, Karen Allen, Carol Kane, & Bobcat Goldthwait

Scrooged may seem like an obvious choice, but I think (if you know it already) you'd be surprised at how many people have only seen it once or even not at all. You ever see Bill Murray and Bobcat Goldthwait in a movie together? It's a Christmas miracle! This is definitely the type of movie you wouldn't watch with your whole family, but definitely one you watch with your dirty uncle and your older cousins who curse and maybe your saucy aunt, you know, your cool relatives.

Gremlins (1984)
Starring: Phoebe Cates! Oh baby!

Gremlins is just the damn best. A Christmas movie where a bunch of little goblin things murder a whole town? Count me in - bigtime. Now take that crazy horror premise and add in the classic whimsy Chris Columbus (writer) and Stephen Spielberg (exec producer) are known for and you somehow have a family *Christmas* classic. How?! How did they make a movie about monsters killing a town a family Christmas movie!?!?? Sometimes you just really have to admit Hollywood is pretty impressive.

Die Hard (1988) & Die Hard 2 (1990)

Starring: duh

The first 2 Die Hard movies happen at Christmas remember? Now use this as an excuse to watch Bruce Willis totally kick-fucking-ass all Christmas afternoon when your mom wants to watch the stupid Disney parade and when your dad is angrily putting your little sister's new overly complicated doll house together.

The Ref
Starring: Dennis Leary and Kevin Spacey

I originally saw ads for The Ref when I was pretty young and, as I did with any movie that didn't have mutant turtles or Jean Claude Van Damme in it, immediately categorized it as a grownup movie that looked stupid. The Ref's actually pretty funny and overall not a bad flick as it turns out. Just make sure you're ok with Dennis Leary and can stand him yelling for like a full hour and half. Wait you cant? Then go watch Christmas Vacation, it's the best.

Just the Worst (A Bad Movie I Just Saw)

2008-11-27T01:03:00.000-08:00

We keep the top 50 lists on hold for another month here at the movie blog to introduce a new feature! It's called "Just the Worst (A Bad Movie I Just Saw)". Really, it is just a warning to you about a truly awful movie I just watched. Hopefully it's not that common of a feature, but considering I am going to have a lot of time at work this holiday season I could be delving into some more questionable materials when it comes to quality.

This entry contains a warning to stay away from:

DAY OF THE DEAD (2008)

You: "Wait, what? They remade Day of the Dead already? But I didn't see any commercials for it? Did I?"

Me: No, no you didn't. It seems everyone involved with this utter piece of filthy stinking garbage realized how bad it was and just let it go straight to DVD (and subsequently, to a quiet death) in peace.

I actually liked the remake of Dawn of the Dead. I think that it was unfairly panned by fans of the original just because it was a very different take than it's predecessor. The original Dawn was a satire and social critique of consumerism or a just a pretty silly and yet scary zombie movie depending on if you took a film class at some point in your life (either way you're right). The "remake" was an action movie that really only shared a setting (mall) and zombies. It probably shouldn't have had that title and certainly should never have been called a "remake". Otherwise, it is a fine horror film with some pretty decent writing, solid pacing, a funny montage, some good kills and a strong cast.

Here is where Day differs from its remake brother. Actually I'd balk at drawing that close of a relationship. Despite both films starring Ving Rhames, they have absolutely nothing in common in the way of plot (Ving plays two different characters and was only cast in Day to confuse people into thinking it was a sequel).

Anyways, Day of the Dead 2008 is not only NOT a sequel to the Dawn remake, it is also NOT:

a remake of the 1985 classic Day of the Dead
a movie that should be watched by anyone

If the straight to DVD release isn't enough to ward you off of watching this monstrosity, maybe this will: The movie opens with two "hot" teen couples making out in the woods.

Seriously, it makes me want to write a letter.

Dear Steve Miner,

Yo, you chose to open your horror movie with the most overused, tired horror cliche there is? Have you ever seen anything?

Sincerely,
Shempy Buberude

I signed the letter Shempy Buberude because I want Steve Miner to know I'm serious. Everyone takes Mr. Buberude seriously.

Some people will try to tell you this is just a misunderstood zombie flick, that it's not intended to be a faithful remake and that it is a "fun romp".

First off if you use terms like "fun romp" you are either a stupid movie critic or you have jello for brains (and privates). Second, these people are wrong. This movie is neither fun nor a romp. An example of a fun movie is Old School. An example of a romp is... uh, Baby's Day Out? I wanted to say Romper Room but they still haven't made a movie of that. At any rate, Day contains not a trace of either. Well, except that the key grip was named Mike Romping.

Overall this is one of those movies where everyone should be ashamed of themselves. Especially the "stars". Mena Suvari, Ving Rhames, I know why Nick Cannon did this movie, that guy couldn't act his way out of a conversation., but you two? I hope you both are happy with the tiny tiny amount of money you no doubt received for this thing.

Now, I would go through some more specifics with you but I honestly don't want to take another second talking about Shitty Day of the Shitty Dead 2000 and Shitty 8.

For all of us here at the Movie Blog - please, avoid Day of the Dead (2008) like the plague. Instead go out and watch the original, it has one of my favourite movie openings of all time.

Now let's forget I ever mention that awful, awful thing, and let's have a drink with a babe.

Not. Bad.

Which Movies would you want to hang out in?

2008-10-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been watching a movie and been like "Hot DAYUM I'd like to live in this movie!"? No? Confused? Well professor, what I mean is, has there ever been a fictional world/situation (aka Setting) from a film that you would like to exist in, even for just a day? I'm betting you've all seen Star Wars so I'll just go ahead and assume your answer is yes to that particular masterpiece of cinema. However, since it goes without saying we'd all like to live in a galaxy far, far away, what about some others? And what about a few that you would like no part of at all? Well, let's dive right in and take a look at a few I've considered and maybe some I'd like to stay away from.

Dawn/Day of the Dead : YES

I thought I'd start out with a bit of a surprising choice, so let's clear this up. I would like to live in a world infested with slow moving, kind of silly, and not-really-all-that-scary-considering-the-advancements-made-in-special-effects zombies for a day. Just as long as you keep your wits about you, keep your head on a swivel, have a shotgun handy at all times and never ever let bikers into your mall, you're cool to live in zombie world. Hell you could even go onto the roof and snipe zombos a la the remake!

Alien & Aliens: NO

By now you guys have heard me mention Ridley Scott's/James Cameron's Aliens quite a few times. That is because they are the baddest damn villains Science Fiction came up with ever since George Lucas ruined Darth Vader. As a result, you can count me out of first hand experiencing the steamy conditions at the Weyland-Yutani Facility infested with these acid-blooded chrome domes.

One time I had a dream that I could fly and beat the crap out of anything a la Neo in the Matrix. In this dream, I was killing waves of agents until they all turned into Aliens. In my own dream I couldn't handle the aliens so I flew away only to discover they had taken over all of New York City and then a giant flaming wall was heading directly for me so I woke up. Yeah, that amazing dream took a real shit-turn, thanks guys.

Predator 1 & 2: YES

I may have balked at hanging out with Ripley and a bunch of shithead aliens, but I will not turn down my chance to hang out with Danny Glover and a ship full of Predators. In fact, hanging out with Arnold while a Predator is hunting us doesn't sound that bad either. I'll just rock that mud trick the whole time and spectate. Pure spectates. But seriously, the predators seem like a bunch of alright guys. If I ever met a predator I would ask about what life is like back on their predator planet - like what are the predators who have menial, factory jobs like? You can't tell me every predator is a hunter. Someone had to make and sell those fancy predator shoes you're wearin' pal. Are some predators depressed? I'd be up for trying to cheer up a sad predator.

Waterworld: NO

I'm just not interested in floating around on a raft with Kevin Costner all day drinking my own pee.

Star Trek: First Contact: YES

Sure the Borg are crazy scary future tech-zombies, but come on, who's really going to turn down a possible life of having one of the rooms in your spaceship-house be a holodeck?

Just a few non-sexual examples of what i would do with a Holodeck:

Play in every major sports' championship game for my favourite teams
Fight with lightsabres
Be a cowboy
Play a concert with Bruce Springsteen, Beethoven & Bill Clinton called "Andy & The Fabulous B's" even though I don't know how to play a musical instrument at all (pure holodeck that lacking talent man!)
punch Paul Walker in the face

Ok, I'd do the last one in real life right now if I just saw Paul Walker. Jeez that guy bugs me.

Blade Runner: NO
Cyborgs and flying cars are all well and good, but Blade Runner's futuristic city is just too steamy and messy to want to spend any amount of time in.

If you haven't watched Blade Runner in a while I urge you to do so, not only because it's a great movie but I want you to count the number of times steam is expelled from something and any time a piece of garbage blows across the screen. For bonus points, count the number of times you just see parts of the street on fire! Thanks, but my preferred future-city at least has a thing where we don't like our streets to just be randomly burning.

Oh, and what's with Deckard's apartment? Clean up a little, dude. Especially if you're having girls over - I don't care if they ARE super enhanced cyborgs, they aren't impressed with your dirty space-cutlery and Arby's future-wrappers man.

Cloverfield: YES

Cloverfield is a piece of garbage movie about a bunch of purely unlikable characters in the midst of a Godzilla-esque monster attack on New York City. It follows this pack of shitty hipster/too cool for school Hollywood-type bozos in an attempt to get you to care for them and their relationships. Its here where Cloverfield accidentally does something right, (Spoiler Alert!) Every last one of these idiots gets killed by the monster. It's the best, and if it's what J.J. Abrams was trying to do then I think he's a genius.

In relation to this whole thing, I suppose I'm saying that I'm way into a world where a giant monster kills a bunch of yuppie idiots on a crazy rampage through a major city. As long as I'm either friends with the monster or watching from a comfortable distance. Preferrably friends.

The Little Mermaid: NO

The idea that there's this secret race of Mer-people living UNDER THE SEA who have a suspicious distrust for humans puts me on edge, man. I just don't like it.

I would feel like the mer-people could attack any moment, riding huge unkown sea beasts, (because really, if we didn't know there was a mer-race I bet we didn't know there were huge sea-beasts) weilding unknown mer-guns created with tidal-technology.

Plus, mermaid are hot and all, but they're like, half fish man. What are you gonna do with that?

5 Cool Things that came out of the Star Wars prequels

2008-10-07T01:07:00.000-07:00

I think we (Star Wars Fans) can all agree that the Star Wars Prequels are pretty much, on the whole, a giant turd of an idea. Between ruining many of our favourite characters and story lines and totally blowing what could have been a really cool Clone War, George Lucas is pretty much dead to all of us. There are however, a few diamonds in the smelly, shitty pit of garbage that are Episodes 1, 2, 3 and the recently released CGI flick The Clone Wars. Here are the diamonds... all 5 of them, in no particular order.

Droidekas

Look, the Battle Droids in Episode 1 were a decent idea but they were just too goofy to be cool. "Roger roger?" What the fuck is that?
"Why that's comic relief, Andy!"
"Shut up George Lucas. Relief from what, you jackass? Me wanting to shove a screwdriver in my face everytime I see Jar Jar Binks? Or maybe it's the hard-hitting plot about the over acting hack of a kid actor who races space hover vehicles?"

God.

Enter the Droidekas, or as they are also referred to, Destroyer Droids. These things are actually worthy of being in a Star Wars flick. They are so mean that just three of them sent two Jedi force-running for the hills. They have shields and crazy rapid fire blasters and if you squint your eyes, they look like Aliens and Predator had a robot baby.

More (Cool) Jedi (Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn, Plo Koon)

One of the two good things in Episode 1 is that for the first time in the Star Wars films, you get to see more than the 3 Jedi already presented in the series. It's so cool in fact, that it almost makes up for the puke bucket that is The Phantom Menace... but not quite.

While Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn and Plo Koon are wicked, badass Jedi that everyone could get behind, our old boy George "Georgie-Boy" Lucas had other plans. Instead of adding 3 or 4 more Jedi to the story, keeping the numbers relatively small and therefore concentrating the mystique and coolness the Jedi had in the original trilogy, he decided to make like a million of them. As a result of this ridiculous buffoonery, for every amazingly Jedi introduced in the films, there are about 3-4 embarrassingly bad entries. Just google "Oppo Rancisis" or Yarael Poof for a small taste of what old GL thought might be a good look for some of the other Jedi. Luckily, hidden in the pile of waste that is Ep 2, we get Kit Fisto and Shaak Ti (not great but they're ok) while The Clone Wars cartoon gives us Voolvif Monn and Foul Moudama (watch the episodes and you'll like them) to offset all the ridiculous, stupid looking Jedi that would flood the series.

And again, if you squint your eyes, Plo Koon kind of looks like Predator and Alien had a Jedi baby.

More (cool) Sith (Darth Maul, Asajj Ventress)
If more (cool) Jedi are one of the good things the prequels had to offer, then their counterparts in the Sith couldn't be too far off.

The best and most memorable character introduced into the prequels is easily Darth Maul. Just to show you the genius at work behind Star Wars these days though, our boy DM is killed in the first movie only to be replaced by a 87 year old guy named Dooku in the next one. Yeah, nice one Lucas, you goddamned moron.

Honourable mention goes again to The Clone Wars (both the movie and cartoons) for introducing Asajj Ventress, the best and closest thing to Darth Maul they could create without Lucas getting wise to the fact that they were actually doing something right.

Double Bladed Lightsaber

Single lightsabers are single cool. Double-bladed lightsabers are double-bladed cool. What a sick idea it was to expand the lightsaber into the realm of other weapons, in this case, famed ninja weapon, the bo.

Just in case you are keeping track, since this is basically a "light-bo" Donatello from Ninja Turtles would have been an amazing Jedi. For that matter, Leonardo would have been able to hold his own as well. In fact, I think it's safe to say the all the Ninja Turtles would have been dominant Jedi Knights.

And now a list of characters I think are basically already Jedi from different places other than Star Wars:

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Batman
Indiana Jones
Highlander
Chris Bosh

General Greivous
He's a robot thing that has 4 arms and 4 lightsabers. I think we all know where I stand when it comes to more sabers. Just to recap: More sabers = More oh yeah man.

While not technically a Sith, he is the best bad guy they came up with since Darth Maul and since he looks a bit like Predator, Alien and Masters of the Universe's Extendar had a baby, he gets on the list by default.

Well that's the list of good things in the Star Wars prequels. Bravo if you actually read the whole thing and you're not a huge Star Wars nerd. Chances are even if you are you still thought I was a real loser for writing this in the first place. But hey man lay off! Oh here's a fun fact, the two images for the jedi and the sith were made by me! It wasn't hard. Are you still reading this? Seeya! -AH

A break from the list!

2008-09-30T00:43:00.000-07:00

So I've been reading a Science fiction blog recently (www.io9.com) and I've been learning about becoming an even bigger nerd than I already am.

"Oh you're not that big a nerd Andy,"

Oh yeah? The other night I used photoshop to create a silhouette-style image of Chewbacca holding two arms above his head that I plan to put on a t-shirt. That's not the coolest thing, but I'm pretty stoked about it.

So whatever, this sci-fi blog got me thinking though, what the hell is up with you real losers who aren't into Sci-fi? In case you didn't know, its the coolest.

To illustrate this, here's 5 things that are cool about science ficition, accompanied by pictures or videos whenever possible.

1. Jabba the Hutt

I'll try to not just make this a list of things in Star Wars, but really Jabba was definitely one of the first things that got me into Sci-Fi to begin with. Just the idea that there's this crazy slug man ruling a part of a desert planet is just plain wicked. Aside from the "how'd they do that?" (at the time) moment, it was the first time I'd seen a non-humanoid character that was actually engaging and had his own lines of meaningful dialogue. Plus he eats frogs!

2. Aliens

While Aliens in general are totally cool, here I'm referring specifically to the Alien movie series' aliens. I honestly still have nightmares about Ridley Scott's/James Cameron's Aliens. In fact, they are the main villain in any dream I have where I have superpowers. Probably the main coolness of Aliens comes from the fact that they are a faceless, EYELESS, efficient hunter. They make us humans feel like prey and anyone who's experienced de-evolving will tell you, feeling like prey is fucking scary. I say James Cameron's Aliens because his movie introduced the idea of the "Queen" alien, which (unlike with The Borg in Star Trek) added a whole layer of coolness and complexity to these wicked killer aliens that already have acid for blood and burst out of your chest and lay eggs with facehuggers and, and, and... Aliens are just the coolest.

3. Utopian Societies... with Klingons

One of the things about many science fiction stories that people always say they like is the idea of the utopian society. But really, like Agent Smith mentioned in The Matrix, utopian societies are boooo-riiing. That's why we need Klingons, or whatever disruptive element you can come up with for any given story to give it some purpose. Star Trek does it best by having Earth presented as a futuristic perfect place to live, with humans eliminating racism and hatred and there are no more wars. Then, once we venture into outer space, we have Klingons and Romulans and The Borg and whatever else. It's the idea that humans will eventually pull our shit together but still kick ass when the time comes.

4. Distopian Societies... with... dystopia?

What's better than a utopian, everything is peachy world where one or two things threaten to tear it apart? How about a world where everything is already crazy messed up and one or two guys try fixing everything? A haunting vision of a possible apocalyptic future doesn't sound interesting to you? Well, check out this list of sci-fi dystopian flicks to understand how popular this idea is within the genre. Maybe if you get into the idea of living a in a crazy fucked up world you won't think your job at boring offices inc. is so bad eh?:
I Robot
Soylent Green
Artificial intelligence: AI
Escape from New York
Day of the Dead
THX 1138
They live
War of the Worlds
Total Recall
Mad Max
Metropolis
V for Vendetta
Planet of the Apes
Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
Robocop
12 Monkeys
The Matrix
and last but not least, the reason I even mentioned this:
Blade Runner
Now go watch 3 of these movies and report back with your thoughts on the coolness of each.

5. Lightsabres

Just imagine all the things you could do if you had one.

Least Favourite #40

2008-07-21T02:49:00.000-07:00

Least Favourite
#40

Fight Club

To be honest, I can't blame the actual movie 100% for me not liking Fight Club. If you went through what I went through the first time you saw it you'd probably think it was overrated garbage too. Check it out: My friends and I were super stoked about a night of drinking beers and watching the Rock em Sock ems and Wrestlemanias we'd rented at out local VHS store. We get all settled in, watch Rock em Sock em 4, ans as we are about to begin Wrestlemania V, Neil's big, angry, older brother storms in and announces that we are watching Fight Club. So there we sat, with so much beer and fun about to be had, drained and wasted away on Brad Pitt and Edward Norton in the "psycological twisted tale of disgruntled malehood" instead of watching Macho Man vs Hulk Hogan in the Mega Powers Explode.

Can you say Pure Garbage?

That being said, I still don't like Fight Club. I've even seen it since and I still say that Fight Club is a movie with its head up its own ass worse than almost any other movie in the history of the world.

No quotes, no weird things. Meatloaf still rules. Stay tuned for the 39s.

Favourite #40

2008-05-23T03:32:00.000-07:00

Favourite #40

The Royal Tenenbaums

The Royal Tenenbaums used to be a serious top ten movie for me, however over the years it lost a bit of its lustre. Don't get me wrong though, Tenenbaums is still a heavy-hitter in my books. I don't think I've ever seen a movie since this one, that has that unique mix of dark comedy, stellar direction, a great soundtrack and one of the most impressive casts giving unbelievable performances minute to minute. The movie is great. Come to think of it, I really think it deserves to be higher so you can chalk this 40 rating purely up to the fact that I haven't seen it in a few years.

Talking about the cast, (Bill Murray, Owen Wilson and Gwenyth Paltrow to name but a few) it is really Gene Hackman that stands out as the titular character. As a result of Hackaman's unbelievably mind-bending chops, (with some help from Wes Anderson & Owen Wilson's writing) the character of Royal Tenenbaum is easily one of my all-time favourites. Right up there with Han Solo, The Dude and Clark W. Griswold.

Memorable quote: Eli Cash (Owen Wilson): "Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't?"

In case you didn't know, the list of other notable actors in this one includes: Luke Wilson, Danny Glover, Angelica Huston, Ben stiller, and Alec Baldwin as the narrator.

Least Favourite #41

2008-04-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

Least Favourite

#41

The Love Guru

Admittedly, I have not yet seen The Love Guru, it's not even out in theatres yet. That, however does not change the fact that this movie is is a whole pile of crazy stupid ideas that will most surely make a lot of money and will most surely infuriate Wayne's World fans nationwide.

Has Mike Myers completely gone insane with power? Here's what he wanted to do with this movie: Play an Indian guy, make it about hockey, make his favourite team win the Stanley Cup, make the coach Mini-me, make Justin Timberlake play a French Canadian, and finally, make Jessica Alba appear as though she were not a cardboard cutout of herself. Normally if you came to someone and wanted to make a movie including, oh, let's say 3 of these ideas, they'd probably laugh in your stupid idiot face, but oh no, not Mike Myers, this guy up here wants to make a movie where they all intertwine and form some sort of story that makes sense and not make people yearn for the days of (ugh) Goldmember. Well, let me be the first person to say, "HEY MIKE MYERS YOU CRAZY SHITHEAD, GO BACK TO MAKING MOVIES WHERE YOU'RE JUST A FUNNY DUDE!" What the hell happened to just being a funny dude? Bill Murray knows it, Jack Black knows it, I'm pretty sure even Dane Cook knows it, though he pretty much fails at it all the time. Mike, just be a funny, wicked dude!

Same goes for you, Jim Carrey.

Jim: Hehehauheuahahuauehau, What?
Me: Shut the hell up you rubber-faced lizard-man.

Probable stupid thing that happens in The Love Guru: The Goalie gets diarreah in the final game of the playoffs! Wait, that sounds like it might actually be funny...

Favourite #41

2008-04-07T02:09:00.000-07:00

Favourite
#41

True Lies

As much as I like Arnold Schwarzenegger, the reason I love True Lies is one man:

Tom "Your fuck-up Uncle" Arnold

I really love Tom Arnold, not only because of his hatred of "sick bitches" who take the ice cube trays from the freezer when they leave you, but because of his aforementioned resemblance to your fuck-up uncle.

Everyone has an uncle that just never got his shit together, is working on his 3rd wife and still plays video games. Chances are, he looks or at least acts a lot like Tom Arnold. The only real difference between your fuck-up uncle (who, in a bizarre twist of fate, is actually cooler than everyone) is that Tom Arnold dates models and has a million dollars... well.. I think he has a million dollars. He should if he hasn't pissed it all away in some dirty Atlantic City Casino.

Ahh the speculation on what it's like to live as Tom Arnold - I'd be lying if I said this was the first time I thought about this subject.

Oh yeah - True Lies, umm, well yes it's a fantastic movie and the smartest thing James Cameron did was put TA in the role of funny-bastard sidekick.

Memorable Quote: [to Dana, who's wearing a helmet] Tom Arnold: "Yeah, I remember the first time I got shot out of a cannon."

Least Favourite #42

2008-03-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

Least Favourite
#42

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

A lot of people don't remember that this movie totally sucks. The reason for this being that Johnny Depp's Keith Richard's impression is charming and quite funny. Some people thought it was so funny that it was the best performance by any actor that entire year. I'm not sure if this was as good as oh, I don;t know, say. Bill Murray in Lost in Translation, but then again not much is. At any rate, this is the reason that you probably forgot the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie was quite boring, poorly written and when it comes down to it, a pretty big pile of shit.

My argument here is that Johnny Depp carries this movie on his back, and that while still incredibly boring, without him would be completely unwatchable. If I had the choice of watching Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom carry on an on-screen romance vs. watching a noodle and a pen just get rubbed together like you were trying to start a fire, I'd be forced to choose the noodle-on-pen scenario for two reasons: 1) I want to see where the relationship goes after the rubbing and 2) they are essentially the same thing, but one contains noodles.

If you really want to watch a stand-out performance in a family movie that contains pirates, I suggest you forgo this piece of Disney bull-ish and check out Kurt Russel in Captain Ron, you can thank me later!

For anything further: please refer to my earlier post about how awesome Captain Ron is.

"Ah, Pirates of the Caribbean, boss!"

Favourite #42

2008-03-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

Favourite

#42

My Cousin Vinny

My Cousin Vinny is the best courtroom-based fish-out-of-water comedy of all time. Now I want to talk to you all about how much I love Marisa Tomei. Not only is she a 2 time Academy Award Nominee, and also a one time winner, she's got a winning smile and a fine pair of gams to boot!

My personal favourite of all the people who have possibly wrongly
received a prestigious award. Other favourites include 3-6 Mafia's Oscar,
The Dallas Stars' Stanley Cup, and Frederick Reines' 1995 Nobel Prize for
Physics. Let's just say detecting the neutrino was done over a lunch hour
and he did it with a piece of wax paper and a comb.

One time I watched over half of MCV with the sound off in a shitty karaoke bar in Mississauga. I was on a date that was going no where but I kept looking up at the TV over the bar and remembering what the characters were saying at that time. I distinctly remember looking over at the part where that other defense lawyer they hire is stuttering and spitting out all of his words. Yeah, man, that wasn't so bad. If you can enjoy a movie that happens mostly in your head, that is something special. If you ever stumble upon one like I have with MCV, hang on to it for dear life - especially if it stars Ralph Macchio.

Remember: When Vinny has to wear that shitty suit? Oh man.
Or how about: When he slips in the mud after he slept in his car? Or when he hears that owl and runs outside of teh cabin in his undies? Yeah man, real good.

Least Favourite #43

2008-03-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

Least Favourite

#43

American Beauty

To quote Sloan: "It's not the band I hate, it's their fans." This sums up my feelings on #43 of the garbage pile that is my least favourite movies, American Beauty. I'll say right off the bat that this movie isn't all bad. Kevin Spacey is actually pretty funny and plays the only half-intriguing character in the movie. Mostly though, he's a dude - and not in the cool dude or "The Dude" way. No, he's just a dude. Somehow a movie about a fucking DUDE with a high, HIGH concentration of hippie-bullshit and Thora Birch's tits is supposed to be this brilliant work of art? Well excuse me, but I fucking disagree. Much like what the piece of crap kid who films garbage and calls it beautiful catches on his camcorder, this movie is 90 minutes of garbage swirling around in a wind of farts.

Ok, so in the movie the garbage isn't swirling in a wind of farts and I don't actually hate this movie as much as it sounds like.

Image I wish I could see a few more times besides the tits: Chris Cooper smacking the stupid kid with the camcorder.
Image I wish could be wiped from my memory forever: Kevin Spacey beating off in the shower.

Favourite #43

2008-03-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

Favourite #43

A Few Good Men

A Few Good Men is the kind of movie that whenever TBS decides to butcher it and show it 20 times on a weekend I end up watching it like 3 or 4 times not ever in the correct order. it's that good a film that it doesn;t matter though, you can tune in to virtually any part of the movie and be totally enthralled within a matter of minutes.

This is a pretty wicked movie, I might even go as far as to say as this is Tom Cruise's best performance. Ever since L. Ron Hubbard melted his brain with a Zenu-brand bullshit gun around 1993, TC just hasn't been able to top his performance as Lt. Daniel Kaffee in my books.

Speaking of Scientology, did you know that Will Smith is now a Scientologist and that Jim Carrey was recently seen going into a "church" of Scientology? What the hell is wrong with everyone? Are you all that desperate for... fuck, what the hell do you get from being a Scientologist beside public ridicule anyways?

At any rate I'm digressing bigtime and luckily non-Scientologists Jack Nicholson, Kiefer Sutherland, Demi Moore, Kevin Bacon, Cuba Gooding Jr., and last but definitely not least, Kevin Pollock are all in A Few Good Men and they all blow Tom Cruise out of the water any day.

Memorable Quote: Dressup: You want answers?
Koffee: I think I'm entitled
Dressup: You want answers?
Koffee: I want the booth!
Dressup: You can't make a phonecall from the booth!

Correction: Sorry, that line of dialogue was mistakenly taken from the similarly titled "We're Looking for A Few Good Men" which if I remember correctly, is a porno about two hot navy officers looking for a copy of "A Few Good Men".

Corporal Jenny Juggies and Lt. Cmdr A.J. Tits embark on an epic journey in "We're Looking for A Few Good Men"

Least favourite #44

2008-03-07T01:29:00.000-08:00

Least Favourite

#44

Titanic

Is there a more overrated movie in existence than Titanic? Leave it to Hollywood to turn history's greatest nautical disaster into a feel-good love story that 12 year old girls bust their nuts over.

I'm excited that this "least favourite" list is really starting to heat up. At first it was just a bunch of movies that I mildly disliked and just thought were overrated, but now we're starting to break into the movies I really didn't like. Once we start getting into the 30's it'll be well into "movies I fucking hate" territory, followed by the 20's - or, "movies that make me physically ill" and finally the last batch, "movies that are actually constructed out of hate, racism, garbage, dogshit and uhh... barf"

Favourite Flick #44

2008-03-06T02:10:00.000-08:00

Favourite
#44

Demolition Man

Let me start this entry by saying I'm not making any excuses for myself when it comes to this list of 50 favourite movies. Sure, I may have started compiling this list at work and then had to rush through it in order to finish it before I had to leave, but that's something I am comfortable with.

Having said that, I'm looking at Demolition Man at the number 44 slot and starting to second guess my hasty decision making. I'm starting to wonder things like: Did I like this movie purely because I pretty much only watched action movies till I was 15? Did I like this movie more than Star Trek VI: the Undiscovered Country, Dirty Work and Diggstown? Is one of my favourite movies of all time seriously a Wesley Snipes movie? Sadly the answer is probably not, but there is something special about a futuristic action/comedy sponsored by Taco Bell where Rambo fights a blond, black serial killer named Phoenix, Dennis Leary is the rat-burger eating anti-hero and Sandra Bullock is involved in a super weird virtual future sex scene that looks more like the music video for Captain Hollywood's More and More. (Dance Mix 94 reference, eh guys?)

Actually... forget what I said, Demolition Man is fucking awesome. I just watched a clip on Youtube and I've decided this is the best action/comedy movie - second only to True Lies.

Remember the part where Stallone uses the bathroom and there's no toilet paper anymore, there's just the three shells? They never tell you in the movie how it works and it's this running gag of Stallone not knowing how to use the bathroom in the future. Fairly often I still try and imagine how the hell those three shells could clean your butt after a D. Do they shoot water like a bidet? Is it some sort of dry clean? Maybe a futuristic butt-cleaning laser system? Shells... why shells? It must have to do with water. Right?? Bah, the fact that I even remember shows that the movie is timeless and deserving of serious praise.

Memorable Quote: Dr. Cocteau: "Well I must say that whacking, whatever it is, sounds most disagreeable."
Maybe the shells: Involve air somehow? Like a vacuum system maybe? Some sort of tube inside the shell?

Least Favourite #45

2008-02-29T00:32:00.000-08:00

Least Favourite

#45

Star Trek: Generations

I can't really say too much about Generations, I got it from the library in grade 6 and almost fell asleep while watching it. The movie is a big waste of time for the first hour and 15 minutes before you get to the scene with Kirk and Picard, then its good for like ten minutes but turns to shit again pretty quickly once thats done. Grade 6 me says: Don't bother!

Memorable Quote: Data: "SHIT!"
Other things Grade 6 me says: That new game Wing Commander 3: Heart of the Tiger looks sweet!

Bearded Mark Hamill vs Tiger Chewbacca with Admiral Malcolm McDowell - what's not to love?

2008-02-28T01:41:00.000-08:00

Favourite

#45

Batman Begins

As if Batman isn't already the coolest fucking guy, this movie goes ahead and confirms what many of us had long suspected: Batman was trained to become a ninja by a Jedi.

First he trains Obi-Wan Kenobi and then Batman!?!?! 'nuff said!

Least Favourite #46

2008-02-27T00:03:00.000-08:00

Least Favourite
#46

Juno

Allow me to start off by saying Juno isn't that bad of a movie. I thought every actor in main roles did a great job especially Jennifer Garner, Allison Janney, Jason Bateman and the girl who plays Juno's best friend (Olivia Thirlby). That being said, I think Juno is probably the most overrated movie I've seen in the last 10 years. The only one I can think of that rivals it is *shudder* Crash... actually, ok it's not nearly as bad as Crash.

Juno is a poorly written, obvious, phony, annoying attempt at seeming "indie" at it's worst and a mediocre, decently funny, somewhat original ripoff of Little Miss Sunshine/Garden State/every Wes Anderson movie at it's best.

Also let me add that the fact this movie was nominated for best picture is a complete joke - I can name 20 movies made in the last year that are more worthy of being nominated for best picture, and about 15 of them are funny cat videos on youtube.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahah

OSCARS!

2008-02-25T00:33:00.001-08:00

Before we get to the #46 Least Favourite movie on the list, I guess since this is a movie blog, I should address the fact that Hollywood's biggest moment of the year happened tonight: The 80th Annual Academy Awards. I actually like the Oscars and even look forward to it once "the buzz" really starts ramping up. The only problem I have is how every year they know the fucking thing is too long but they still insist showing us best sound editing and best sound mixing and best documentary: short subject. Seriously Oscars, no one gives a shit. Show us the main awards and have all those other reject awards the night before in a banquet hall hosted by a hot babe movie star.

Now I know everywhere you turn today you're going to be seeing reviews and wardrobe ratings and other such bullshit regarding the over 3 hour long telecast - so I'll try to make it (hopefully like Diablo Cody's career) short.

Of the main nominated films this year, I managed to see: No Country For Old Men, Michael Clayton, Atonement, American Gangster, Juno, Eastern Promises, Charlie Wilson's War and Gone Baby Gone. I liked all of these movies except Juno (more on this later) and generally wanted the Coens to sweep, which they pretty much did.

Here's something: did anyone else not know that the Coen Brothers are the gangliest weirdest looking dudes? I know I've seen them before but they must have been sitting down because seriously, one of them looked like Daniel Day Lewis mixed with a whole lot of Lurch.

Good for those guys though, and good for Javier Bardem - that guy was ssssssssooooooooooooooooooo ssssssssssssssssssssssssiiiiiick. This year was actually pretty unbelievable for badasses in oscar flicks. For those of you who are into cool dudes being crazy badasses, here are 5 from this years' nominated films that were especially wicked.

Casey Affleck in Gone Baby Gone

Casey Affleck is a vegan, which goes against everything I believe in, considering I tried to help start a Meat Club in high school. Putting that aside though, CA is dominant in this movie and because I couldn't find the scenes I was looking for you'll have to watch this trailer and take my word for it.

Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men

(to the tune of Naughty by Nature's "Craziest") Javier Bardem is the CRAAAAZIEST, Javier Bardem is the Cray-zi-est! (repeat 10x)

Josh Brolin in No Country for Old Men

Josh Brolin was a badass in like 6 different movies this year, all of which involve him looking like a really cool cowboy whether it fit the character or not. The wicked thing is he pulls it off every time. "Ah, hell"

Russel Crowe in 3:10 to Yuma

Everytime I see Russel Crowe in something I'm all like "Oh fuck that guy he's such a brutal asshole," then I watch the movie and remember he's so fucking cool he could make a Yanni biopic seem like Alien vs Predator vs Gladiator vs Yanni. That'd be pretty cool right?

Viggo Mortensen in Eastern Promises

If you've only seen Viggo in LOTR and you're not convinced of how totally ball-bustingly crazy good he is, watch Eastern Promises, A History of Violence and The Prophecy. The first two you know whats up - Cronenberg and Viggo join forces to make amazing fight scenes. The prophecy is a Christopher Walken movie where Viggo plays the devil and hes straight up SICK.
I will warn you that the following clip is a naked knife fight with Viggo against 2 dudes, it's also one of the best parts of the movie, but there are no spoilers so I dunno, watch it if you want, man.

So that's it for my Oscar round-up... ok it wasn't much of a round-up, but you should see those movies I mentioned, they're pretty seriously good. #46 of Least Favourite up tomorrow!

Favourite Movie #46!

2008-02-22T00:43:00.000-08:00

Favourite
#46

Billy Madison

To me, Adam Sandler has experienced the kind of drop in status that is usually reserved for disgraced athletes and the odd hobo that used to be a CEO. So it may come as a surprise to some that one of his movies is held in such high regard by someone. But this guy used to be the funniest - and to a lot of people who loooooove the smell of their own farts, he still is - and Billy Madison is easily his funniest and best.

Switching gears for a second, just think about the recent pure shit Adam Sandler has been involved with over the last 10 years: I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry, Click, Shitty movie about 9/11 with Don Cheadle, Allen "Human Garbage Factory" Covert, Grandma's Boy, go as far back as Mr. Deeds. The guy is on a shit streak so long it would take a thousand dogs dragging their asses over a thousand miles of carpet to even start to rival it.

Come to think of it, was Adam Sandler ever good? Besides Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore and SNL I don't really think so. You know what he is good at? Writing silly songs and saying jibberish with a funny voice - I guess those things were just way hotter in the 90's.

Memorable Quote: Dog on TV: Speak for yourself, Moron!
Billy Madison: Ha ha ha, oh my GOD that is funny!

Reason to see it: It's one of the only movies (along with Kindergarten Cop) with kids that are not annoying and actually sometimes funny. Plus despite what I said earlier Sandler is wicked funny. Also Pete Sampras' wife is really hot. Also there's a penguin.

Least Favourite #47

2008-02-20T02:49:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else find this blogging tool glitchy and unreliable? What a piece of garbage am I right? Jeez. Ok enough of this, on to the next movie:

Least Favourite

#47

X-Men 3: The Last Stand

What can I say that hasn't already been said about the most disappointing entry in the X-Men trilogy... well considering these things have all been already said:

"Michael Bay's Schindler's List." - Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central
"This is a stupid, hateful, ignorant movie" - David Corelius, eFilmCritic.com
"Lacks character develoment and is poorly directed" Just about every other critic's review on RottenTomatoes

I'll admit this isn't the worst movie, but considering how surprisingly good the first 2 were, X3 really craps on the series. It's like Brett Ratner figured there were too many characters, so he kills them all in the first half and replaces them with really, really lame substitutes. For example: Porcupine Guy (He actually kills a guy by hugging him) and Angel - in the comics, a legit and real character, but here he's just a teenage heartthrob who literally has 2 lines the entire movie and just flies around with his shirt off. Also there's Multiple Man, who despite being the funniest character by far, shows up, gets caught and we don't see him the rest of the movie.

In conclusion, Brett Ratner has no clue what the fuck to do with a movie that doesn't involve a sassy black man or Jackie Chan. You gotta believe Ratner was just looking for a way to squeeze Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan into this movie, man. They're his frigging meal ticket of course he was!

This is getting off topic right now, and don't get me wrong, I love Jackie Chan, but is that guy ever not being a complete goof? Every time I see him he's getting into some sort of mischief. Always with a silly look on his face. What's going on with that guy? Should he still be doing his own stunts? Isn't he, like, fifty?

Jesus Jackie would you stop fucking around?

Forgettable Quote: Storm - "Are you ready to do what's necessary when the time comes?". Screw this movie, seriously.
Possible Saving Grace: Just like you thought when you were watching the X-Men cartoon in grade 5, Kelsey Grammer is the perfect choice for Beast.

Favourite Movie #47 boss!

2008-02-15T01:01:00.000-08:00

FAVOURITE

#47

Captain Ron

If you're anything like me, you probably saw Captain Ron as a kid when your parents rented it for family movie night or whatever. Your mom probably liked it and your dad was probably pissed that you have a family movie night because he just wanted to watch whatever sports was on. While your dad was right to be annoyed at the no sports, your mom was right to seriously enjoy Captain Ron.

You may think that a movie where Martin Short plays the straight man to a zany Kurt Russel pirate-character sounds like death, (critics sure did) surprisingly though, Captain Ron is one of the few movies that lives up to 100% of the possibly fake critic blurbs on the cover of the DVD. Yes folks, the ONE (positive) thing said about this movie worth mentioning was "FUNNY!" (I'm guessing Touchstone added the exclaimation point) and it was quoted by "New York Newsday" - apparently the critic didn't want to be known as the guy who liked Captain Ron.

I'm also guessing this quote was a result of one of 2 things, either a) It was cut from a review that read "Captain Ron is nowhere near funny." or b) they asked a guy coming out of the theatre what he thought of it, and after thinking about it for probably too long he goes: "I dunno, I guess it was funny?"

Now I fully realize C-Ron isn't going to make anyone's Greatest Films list (this is a favourite list) but Martin Short is the damn best, Kurt Russel says boss alot and wears an eyepatch, the kid is funny, and the mom and sister are surprisingly hot. Bottom line: this movie is good enough to name a Dominican Rum after, so it's good enough for me.

Reason to see it: You need to watch a movie with your mom.
Memorable Quote: [as Ben moves Captain Ron's beer] Captain Ron: Hey. Get your hands off that. Benjamin Harvey(the kid): I was just moving it. I wasn't gonna drink it. Captain Ron: You bet your little booty, you wasn't. You want a beer, you get your own.
Note: If anyone ever moves my beer you better understand that I'm going to say that with my best Kurt Russel impression.

Least Favourite Movie #48

2008-02-12T02:20:00.000-08:00

Least Favourite

#48

The Usual Suspects

This movie was ruined for me by some asshole telling me the ending. I will now do the same thing that was done to me, to you. Kevin "The Spaceman" Spacey is Keyser Soze. He's the guy who kills everyone.

Now that I've ruined the movie the same way people ruined it for me, maybe when you watch it you'll think it's not that great either.

Funny thing I found while looking up this movie: Devil Dinosaur issue #5

The caption for Devil Dinosaur #5: "Neither man nor monster can survive in THE KINGDOM OF THE ANTS!"

Favourite Movie #48

2008-02-08T00:02:00.000-08:00

FAVOURITE

#48

Dumb and Dumber

If you don't think Dumb and Dumber is funny you need to promptly see a doctor and get them to surgically remove the massive stick from your butt. How long have you been walking around with that stick in there? It must hurt when you drive over train tracks. Does it always feel like you have to drop a D?

Shit man, I remember when I didn't like massively hilarious things. It was during that year when I couldn't see or hear anything and I had all that seriously intense tooth pain. I can only imagine that is how someone who didn't like this movie must feel at all times: alone in the soundless dark, in unbearable pain.

Reason to see it: You like laughing.

Memorable Quote: Jim Carrey: "We got no food, no jobs... our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"

Jim again: "Hey guys. Oh, big gulps huh? All right! Well, see ya later."

Least Favourite #49

2008-02-04T02:47:00.000-08:00

LEAST FAVOURITE

#49

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Can I just say I think Tim Burton is a real shithead? Yeah Beetlejuice is good, and yeah, the Batman movies are decent, but pretty much everything else the guy does is the same. Alright Burton we get it, you're the one goth guy in Hollywood and everyone loves it when you make a movie every 3 years as long as it features Johnny Depp.

Now, I've never seen Tim Burton's movie "Monkey Bone" but I've heard it's bad. I have, however, seen Tim Burton's "Planet of the Apes" remake and I am willing to say on record that the remake of Planet of the Apes is worse than Monkey Bone. All I really remember about the previews of monkey Bone is Chris Kattan and Brendan Fraser looked like they were dead. Juit to give you an idea of how bad this remake was, the Monkey Bone trailer looked better than everything that happened in Planet of the Apes. I don't remember a whole lot about this movie other than that I hated it, but I will stand by my assertion that it's worse than Monkey Bone.

Wait, maybe I'm being to harsh... like remember the part where Marky Mark went crazy and killed a whole bunch of apes in an attempt to escape from Dr. Zaius. Wait... that never happened... there was no Dr Zaius in this movie and Marky Mark basically played Samuel "Screech" Powers from TV's Saved by the Bell. Thank you Tim Burton, thank you for finally making the long awaited motion picture "Screech vs the Planet of the Apes".

Reason to avoid it: Burton ripped the shitty ending off of a Jay and Silent Bob comic book.

Forgettable Quote: "Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!" - Mar mar mar, we get it Tim Burton, you changed around all the good quotes from the original to now be stupid. Good work you weird loser.

Favourite Movie #49

2008-01-31T01:45:00.000-08:00

Facebook tends to screw up the formatting of these imported blog notes, so if you want to see this in all its original fancy glory, check out the "read original post" link just above.

FAVOURITE
#49

Planet of the Apes

Dudes and babes, if you have not seen the original Planet of the Apes do yourselves a goddamn favour and buy this spectacular film at your nearest DVD emporium or Ape-themed mega mart. This radical movie makes my list for a few pretty boss reasons - most of which have to do with Charlton Heston being a frigging cool guy. Don't let his recent douchebaggery fool you, when he was a younger man, Heston was THE guy. Forget about all the wiener actors we have today, Heston was in frigging Ben Hur, Omega Man - the guy was MOSES!? This guy was a man's man of an actor who didn't take any kind of shit - especially from no damn dirty apes.

On the subject of damn dirty apes, the villain in this movie (Dr. Zaius) is such a dickhead that he single handedly made me hate orangutans. That's right, the loveable tree swinging little buddies all you bleeding heart ape-lovers who haven't experienced the pure balls out evil of Dr. Manny Zaius (I may have just made up his first name) know and love. I'm not particularly proud of that hatred, but I'll freely admit that it took many years and the charming acrobatics of a certain King Louie to tame my ape-based orangutan prejudice.

Memorable Quote(s): Heston - "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
Reason to watch it: As if Charlton Heston pounding his fist into the sand screaming "God Damn you all to hell!" isn't enough reason to watch it, yeah right!

Least Favourite Movie #50

2008-01-30T16:49:00.000-08:00

Just to explain a little bit about the least favourite list. You'll find movies on this list that are overrated, disappointing and just plain bad. have you ever tried to sit down and think of 50 movies you really don't like? Well I did and it was surprisingly hard, mostly because movies are pretty forgettable when you don't like them, but it takes a special one to stand out so much you remember how bad/overrated/disappointing it was. On to the list:

LEAST FAVOURITE
#50

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

First of all, the reason this movie makes the list is because it is one of the all time worst let-downs that has ever occurred. In the 70's and 80's, those asshole kids got a bunch of wicked Star Wars movies. So when it comes time for me’s to get mines, I obviously expect the same level of quality as those that came before it. Now I could list a million reasons why this movie isn't as good as its predecessors (George Lucas’ writing, directing, general story idea, trying to explain the force, totally losing all the charm of the original trilogy, etc) but instead I will simply blame this movie solely on Little Boy, Jake Lloyd.

There are some shit little kid actors out there, but this guy is the worst. If you don’t believe me, watch the scene in this movie where the kid goes “Yippeee!” and runs away. I’ve never heard such an unconvincing yippee in my life. You ever heard a kid being forced at gunpoint to exclaim how happy he is that his parents have just been murdered? That’s the yippee Jake Lloyd delivered and it's kindf of how i felt after I saw this movie.

Man, I really tried to convince myself I liked this movie. I don't think I've ever gone through denial like I went through after seeing Episode 1. For years I considered it a good movie and even one of my favourites, but a guy can only go on living a lie for so long before he realizes, yeah Watto is a horrible Jewish stereotype, and yeah Natalie Portman's delivery is wooden and lacking any real emotion, and yeah Jar Jar is a walking piece of shit.

As a Star Wars fan I'd like to say this is the worst Star Wars movie. But sadly I cannot - there are more where this jug of diarreah came from.

Top and Bottom 50 Movies

2008-01-30T02:51:00.000-08:00

I pretty much hate any kind of listing shows that are on TV right now, but that's not because I hate lists, it's because I was way into listing things like 3 years ago before all these shows came along. Yeah, that's right, I invented listing things.

Back in uiniversity some friends and I finalized our lists of 100 favourite movies in order. Since then my list has changed and I thought I should revisit the epic undertaking. This blog will now be used to publicly announce this updated top movies list, this time with a twist: I'll include the top 50 favourites, alongside the top 50 least favourite. That should make it a bit more interesting. Alright here we go:

FAVOURITE

#50

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Musicals suck. They suck pretty bad. Unless we're talking about the live version of Phantom of the Opera starring Kiss frontman Paul Stanley, they suck SO bad. South Park luckily breaks the shitty mould with a wicked funny movie that manages to not annoy me with song.

That being said, this movie should be called "Terrance & Philip: Asses of Fire" not only because that's one of the funniest jokes in the movie, but because without Terrance and Philip this movie isn't half as funny. Don't get me wrong, the standard set of Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny have their share of great moments, but it's the flapping headed Canadians that really deliver. Fart jokes are funny - and Trey Parker and Matt Stone know that for all the political and social commentary in the world, farts are the best.

Up Next: Least Favourite Movie #50 - Stay Tuned!