The return of a true classic

If we went to high school together you may have seen this before. If you didn't allow me to introduce Tallman, The tallest man in the world:

 

 (Click to view)

Some thoughts on: Wrestlemania: The Album

Throughout pretty much my entire childhood I was a big fan of wrestling. I discovered the character through Hulk Hogan's Rock n' Wrestling and later was introduced to actual wrestling by my Aunt Joan when she rented the 88 Survivor Series and watched it with me one night. From that point on I was a big fan of the WWF and it's cast of colourful characters. So much so, in fact that in 1993 when the superstars of the WWF got together to record Wrestlemania: The Album, it was number one on my Christmas list.

Because I have a cool mom, (who also liked wrestling) she knew how important it was for me to get this tape and lo and behold Christmas morning I woke up and unwrapped Wrestlemania the Album and wrestled it out of one of those cases they had at HMV that put the tape at the top of a weird plastic tower. You know the ones right? Why did tapes come in those things?

Zoom to present day. I am at work and want to hear some cool music. Why not throw on the youtube version of the song "Wrestlemania" from Wrestlemania the Album, I think. So ok, listen to this




Ok, so a few things.

I never realized how dumb it was before, but they open up Wrestlemania: The Album with a song called Wrestlemania that opens with a guy saying "Are you readyyy for the SURVIVOR SERIES!?" The answer to this question is yes, obviously I am ready for the Survivor Series, but I thought this was wrestlema- oh ok then the guy comes in and says "it's 93 it's time for Wrestlemania-ania-ania" oh ok fine.

So after being told to pump it up a few times we get to the part where the wrestlers contribute to the songs. No, not by crooning a melody or even singing about wrestling type things, (turnbuckles, steel chairs etc.) its just wrestlers cutting really poor promos about how they're going to kick your ass - and just to be clear, this is entirely what this album is.



First up is Hacksaw Jim Duggan with this gem of a "lyric": "Take a look what you got now, that's Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and when you get into the ring I'll show you how to get beat up!"
SO I don't get it. Does this mean that when I get into the ring, you're going to get beat up like as an example? You'd think someone recording this audio like in a studio or whatever would be like, "Uh Hacksaw, that sounds like you're the one going to get beat up, so lets try that again!" Where as instead the WWF paid a guy minimum wage to record this in his basement and when Hacksaw laid down that turd of a promo the guy said "Duggan, that was perfect, now help yourself to that bag of cheetos but don't touch any of those mountain dews."


Next up is Tatanka: "The way Tatanka sees it, to climb, to the top, in the World Wrestling Federation, Tatanka, will be, successful." First of all Tatanka, this is not a plan to get to the top of the WWF. You started that like you were going to tell us how to be successful but then your plan just to "be successful". Sort of a given isn't it? In order to be successful you have to, well, BE successful. Sure I guess, but instead why didn't you just say nothing at all? Oh wait, that’s exactly what you just did.


Ok so this next one is long so I'll skip typing it out, it's the Big Boss Man and for some reason they let him drone on about how all he ever wanted to do was be a cop, basically. Well I got news for you, fake cop wrestler, you didn't achieve your goals. You are a fake cop wrestler. Stop telling me to be a cop when you're not even a cop, man.

So far Wrestlemania the song is sort of a dud, I mean sure, it has a pretty cool hip-hop beat but really not much else going for it, Straight up wrong intro mixed with peculiarly worded wrestler quotes does not a hit single make. Also, it doesn't get any better as you listen to the rest of the song. One of the Nasty Boys says he's going to cram "Nasty Stuff" down my throat all though '93 (Which thankfully just didn't happen) and Bret Hart comes on and yells at you about how he is the champion. Oh and another boring rant from the Boss Man about how he likes to follow rules. All in all, this is one musical song that has lost its luster in the eyes of this blogger.

This blog post is way too late.

Guys I meant to write this blog a while ago but a few things have stepped in the way. Mainly video games and watching Survivor. However the time has come to list the movies I saw last year that were made in that same year. I've divided the list into 3 teams and assigned each team logos which are based on some really neat album covers I think you all should be more familiar with. Also, I added a few comments so you know where I'm coming from. Check them out, the best of 09 that I saw in 09!

Team Comme Ci Comme Ca

Where the Wild things Are - Visually this movie was pretty impressive but that and Catherine Keener were sadly all that was impressive. I kept waiting for the monsters to freak out and rip apart that kid who was obviously too old to be this big a baby. Also I didn't particularly like the voices chosen for the monsters. Only Catherine O'Hara's had any real spark and also seemed to fit the giant head it was coming out of. Not a terrible movie, just pretty boring for something that looked so cool. (3/5 Stars)


The Men Who Stare at Goats - I'm a big fan of George Clooney and an even bigger fan of Jeff Bridges* so it's too bad this movie was just ok. The fact that I can barely even remember anything about it right now pretty much shows how this movie affected me. Big huge mehs all around. *Bonus fact: Jeff Bridges just plays a much weaker version of The Dude in this movie! (3/5 Stars)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - A lot of you hated this movie. I watched the leaked version without special effects and thought, "Hey, aside from the brutal embarassment of an ending, this movie wasn't nearly as bad as people said it was." Sure, it was by no stretch of the imagination any good and was in fact, quite bad but I just couldn't help but enjoy it. Is there something wrong with me? Yes. Yes there is. (2/5 Stars)

Watchmen - I remember walking out of the watchmen being pleasantly surprised, however now when I think back on it all I remember is Dr. Manhattan's dong. (3.5/5 Stars)

Year One - Year One should really be in the good category because it made me laugh really hard a few times. But a few times was all of the times I laughed. It was a little too uneven to be considered really good but I still recommend it. Jack Black and Michael Sera really should make another movie together, though. Maybe one where they're both silent era film stars and they have to embark on some Indiana Jones- like quest. Maybe it's co-starring Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig and Mila Kunis? I don't know why I said Mila Kunis that was completely out of nowhere. (3/5 Stars)

Team You're No Good

Because I don't see that many movies in theatres every year for various reasons, (ie I hate theatres, I hate people, I hate spending money) I only really see the ones I think I will really like. Luckily this usually means I usually see decent to good movies most of the time. This keeps the garbage quotient low, but not quite at zero.

The Invention of Lying - This movie sucks. I love Ricky Gervais and Tina Fey specifically, and despite the fact Gervais wrote this, it is very bad. It's not so much a movie about a world where people only tell the truth as it is about a world where people have no inner monologue at all. Which may sound like an equally intriguing idea, but trust me, it's toilet crust. 2 good scenes (one. a flashback starring Stephen Merchant and Barry from Eastenders, the other an incredibly heartfelt scene involving Ricky Gervais' character and his mother) are just not enough to save this jumbled mess of what should have been decent. (1.5/5 Stars)

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - Easily the worst Harry Potter movie. You'd think with a name like "The Half-Blood Prince" somewhere in the movie they'd be looking for, or at least casually wondering who this Half-Blood Prince is, right? (Mostly I think that because it happened in the book.) Well, if you thought that you'd be wrong. What's wrong with you? Everyone knows if you have a movie with a title like that, you barely mention it somewhere around the 33 minute mark, neglect to mention it again until about the 142 minute mark and then treat it like it's some huge reveal! Now THAT'S showbiz! (1/5 Stars)

Team So Sick

Star Trek - Star Trek is probably the best Trek movie, let's all stop fooling ourselves. I love Khan and First Contact and Undiscovered Country as much as the next loser, but you must admit that making Star Trek cool was something you didn't think was even remotely possible before this came out. (5/5 Stars)

Terminator 4: Rise of the Machines - Let's be honest, the Terminator franchise is nothing without James Cameron and a young Arnold Schwarzenegger and since those guys are pretty commited to making 3D Pocahontas movies and you know, governing a state, it's doubtful they'll ever come back to make any more. So we have to face facts: we are all getting some more of these "T" movies that will never hold a candle to T2 so we might as well stop comparing them. Do that, and then watch T4. It's actually not that bad. Sam Worthington really makes the movie and while I pretty much hate the director he manages to churn out a pretty decent little action movie. Sure half the lines and almost every fight scene are directly lifted from Terminator 2, but maybe that's why I liked it? I'm a fool for dystopian settings, what can I say. (3/5 Stars)

Inglorious Basterds - The only thing I have to complain about this amazing movie is that I wanted more Nazi killing. More violence overall really. Best performance of the year easily turned in by Christoph Waltz. Chick was a babe, Brad Pitt with a cool accent, Hitler freaking out, what the hell else do you want in a feature length motion picture? (4/5 Stars)

District 9 - Perhaps the best science-fiction movie of the last decade, District 9 is really a great piece of work. I was so happy to hear it had been nominated for best picture. "Finally," I said, "A year where a sci-fi movie I love has a shot at winning best picture." Well I did say that, until I also found out the next movie was nominated, even thought it really isn't close to being as good... (5/5 Stars)

Avatar - Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Avatar. It is on the good list. James Cameron KNOWS sci-fi/action better than any other director in the world ever. But this movie aside from the visuals is pretty much a remake of: fill in the movie already mentioned a million times in every review, ie. Pocahontas, Dances with Wolves, Ferngullty, etc. also known as completely unoriginal. That being said, I liked it. The more I think about it, the more I like it in fact. Strong performances and some amazing 3D obviously make up for the story shortcomings and Avatar really is a pretty sick movie. Really the only other major issue I had with Avatar is that Giovanni Ribisi's character should have been renamed Carter Burke and played by Paul Reiser. What can I say, if it aint broke don't fix it, right? (4/5 Stars)

Fantastic Mr. Fox - I think Fantastic Mr. Fox was my favourite movie of the year. Now I obviously didn't see a lot of good movies, but I saw a couple and of those couple I left the theatre most satisfied and most impressed with this one. I think it's interesting in a year where movies have made such amazing leaps forward visually, whether it be Avatar or Where the Wild Things Are, the movie my eyeballs liked the most is the one that used techniques from the 60s (or whatever) . I seriously recommend this one to everyone. if you have kids go see it. If you're married, go see it. And for the love of Christ if you have stop motion animated foxes, GO SEE THIS MOVIE. SERIOUSLY, THATS LIKE, ALL THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT. (5/5 Stars)

Overall I think 2009 was a pretty great year for movies. I'm still working through the Oscar nominations and I'll have a similar update about those in the futurepeeeeeeeace

The Summer Party Scene

Last weekend the party train took off from the party airport with me and my friends aboard and we partied hard on the cool crisp taste of Carlsberg's latest brand of drink: Party Beer. Ok, so it was just regular Carlsberg beer but make no mistake it caused a party.

Some of the things that happened included Punch Out, Slaps and Street Weed.

Sounds violent and weird but trust me we laughed and didn't feel weird.

Now I am about to embark on a mini vacation to the surprisingly beautiful Sarnia, Ontario. Yeah that's right, now I know usually people think of tall smoke stacks and polluted water when they think of the SARN. But truth be told the waterways are quite clean and the jetskis are plentiful.

Don't believe me? Check this out, dicknose:

That's me in the SARN, jettin like a real water guy.

Jettin, that's what we call it in pure SARN town. Lets talk about Jetski's for a second ok?

Here's your regular, non jetski summer:


Now here's your summer with one jetski:

That's right, just the addition of one jetski to your summer turns you from a crying Chinese kid being made fun of by his peers to a cool teen in shades puffin on a dart who fuckin loves the Cleveland Cavaliers. But what would happen if you added MORE JETSKIS?

2 Jetski summer:

2 Jetskis later and you are a wicked cool dude who's got it all figured out. Your hat and moustache might look dumb to everyone else, but you're at a sweaty dance party with your buddies and you don't gve a shit because you're drunk and all hell and even though theres no babes in THIS picture, you're just not worried about it.

AND FINALLY, what I am actually about to partake in, the elusive 3 JETSKI SUMMER:

Congratulations because you've experienced a 3 jetski summer you are the coolest dude around.

You are Han Solo.

Now go outside, ride those 'skis, and party so damn hard that when you get back to work on Monday or whatever, you can tell all your lamewad co-workers that you are frigging Han Solo and you rode 3 jetskis to the damn Alderaan system but when you got there you partied so hard you blew up the whole goddamned planet. And then tell them to SHUT UP!

Everyone have a good weekend.

BYE.

Party Jamz Guy!

PARTYTIME!

So far this summer has been a non stop roller coaster ride of softball, comedy shows, Ghostbusting and staying up way too late when I should be sleeping. It has also seen the return of a harder party, the likes of which has not been seen out of me since University days when I used to give obnoxious westside hand signals in pictures and drink lots of not-obnoxious malt liquor.

In this party renaissance of late I have grown fond of being in control of a party's music and if I can convince the sucker who's party it is to let me, I'll try my best to get a strong dance party started. Now I'm not a DJ, but I've gained a lot of respect for that profession as a result. However there are some songs I just wish DJ's would give more respect to, some personal favourite party jams. And they go like this:

Feel Me Flow

Naughty By Nature
Poverty's Paradise
1995

There's no youtube link to this song anymore so here's the MTV.ca video:
http://www.mtv.ca/music/video_search_play.jhtml?id=260249&input=Naughty+By+Nature

Naughty By Nature makes the best Hip-Hop anthems, hands down. OPP, Hip Hop Hooray, THIS SONG. These guys just know how to get a party bouncin. Trust me, much like in the video, play this song on a hot summers day, maybe while you are sitting around your friend's convenience store and just jam.

Hey but seriously, what happened to Naughty By Nature? These guys were so cool EVERYONE was in their video for Hip Hop Hooray. Even Eazy E! You knwo these guys have got cred when Eric Wright shows up in their video even if it is for a very unhappy 3 seconds.

For similar jams also see: Naughty By Nature - Jamboree; Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray; Salt N Pepa - Whatta Man

Walking on Sunshine

Katrina & The Waves
Self Titled
1985

The embedding is disabled for some completely terrible reason, bad luck so far with these videos eh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eONhto0x_nI

Ok, you may think I'm crazy for this one. But trust me gang, if you're hitting a playlist that contains some 80's or early 90's music and people are not feeling the party as much as they could be, toss this high octane waterslide of a song on and people will go nuts. Girls especially love this tune and it makes them jump around like idiots. Which in this case is great.

I call this song a waterslide because in grade 6 I won Wild Water Kingdom tickets from popular disc jockey Tarzan Dan on AM 640 and he played this song right after having me say how much I loved his radio station. I taped that onto a radio compilation "tape" that I ended up keeping till high school. That tape was the best. I'm pretty sure I also had Sure Shot on there. Also I had that song Wide Load. Hey man, they can't all be winners ya know?

For similar jams also see: Pointer Sisters - Neutron Dance; Huey Lewis & The News - Power of Love

Young Turks
Rod Stewart
Tonight I'm Yours
1981

Ever been at a party with a bunch of hipsters who don't really know how to party? Like they want to party but they keep thinking it has something to do with scarves? So they end up standing around trying looking bored on purpose? No, me neither I don't hang out at those places man, weak scene. However if you were at such a lame party by accident, play Young Turks and watch the smiles creep across everyone's faces as they sing along and eventually dance along with this amazing party jam.

Rod Stewart may not be the first name you think of when I say the words PARTY JAM but one of the craziest dance parties I've ever been a part of started with this song and got to the point where people were coming in off the street because the house was rocking so hard. In short, ROD STEWART now equals PARTY JAM.

For similar jams also see: David Bowie - Modern Love; Phil Collins - Sussudio

So next time you throw a party and are thinking of music to really get it bumpin, don't be so fast to ONLY play your favourite Lil' Jon Krunk-inspired mashups or your CD of Jock Jamz 97, try on a few upbeat songs that maybe people have forgotten about or just underestimated, you'll see a marked improvement in babes to dudes ratio and you just might have a wicked dance party.

New shit

So you may have noticed some changes around the blog if you haven't been here in a while. Biggest is the name and theme of the thing. No longer is this a blog JUST about my opinions on motion pictures. Now it will contain many opinions from me on just about anything. I originally had intended the theme to give me fuel for things to write about, but lately it has been more constricting than freeing. Also, since the name DJ Sports' Movie Blog doesn't make sense anymore I've decided to call this thing "Let the Wookiee Win: A Blog" mostly because I couldn't think of anything else. Ok also I changed the layout even though I dont think I like it. We'll see.

Ok thats everything for right now. Until I have something to actually say, laterrrrrr

Cool Star Wars thing and Fav movie #39!

If you read this blog you know I like Star Wars. So to that end here is a really cool link to a SomethingAwful photoshop contest where they Star Wars-ified classic art. Results included things like this:



Alright on to the actual blog. I've decided to pick up where I left off with my fav/least fav movie list.

Favourite #39

Annie Hall

I was introduced to Annie Hall in university by my now most trusted source for movie advice, (except when it comes to Star Wars Episode 2) my friend Greg. I must say I have to thank him for showing me easily the best romantic comedy of all time.

Rom-com is not a genre I easily enjoy. Then again, Annie Hall is a Woody Allen movie first and a romantic comedy second. Really, I don't even feel right saying its a romantic comedy, I feel like that demeans the picture. It's so much more than that, so much funnier and real than any stupid romantic comedy made in the last 20 years by far.

In this movie you find out a few things you may not have known.

a) Diane Keaton was once a real babe.

b) Woody Allen is truly hilarious and he hates L.A.

c) Christopher Walken is in this, and surprise! He plays a creep. (Ok I guess you might have known that but its the original creep performance from him, so it's real funny and not just kind of "meh" like some other Walken movies. Who by the way, I love, but really the guy will do anything.)

and finally

d) This movie contains the funniest parking/curb joke I've ever heard.

So in conclusion, if you haven't seen any Woody Allen movies and you can only see one, I'm pretty sure this is the one to watch. So do that. Also figure out why it is you can only watch one Woody Allen movie.