5 Cool Things that came out of the Star Wars prequels

I think we (Star Wars Fans) can all agree that the Star Wars Prequels are pretty much, on the whole, a giant turd of an idea. Between ruining many of our favourite characters and story lines and totally blowing what could have been a really cool Clone War, George Lucas is pretty much dead to all of us. There are however, a few diamonds in the smelly, shitty pit of garbage that are Episodes 1, 2, 3 and the recently released CGI flick The Clone Wars. Here are the diamonds... all 5 of them, in no particular order.

Droidekas

Look, the Battle Droids in Episode 1 were a decent idea but they were just too goofy to be cool. "Roger roger?" What the fuck is that?
"Why that's comic relief, Andy!"
"Shut up George Lucas. Relief from what, you jackass? Me wanting to shove a screwdriver in my face everytime I see Jar Jar Binks? Or maybe it's the hard-hitting plot about the over acting hack of a kid actor who races space hover vehicles?"

God.

Enter the Droidekas, or as they are also referred to, Destroyer Droids. These things are actually worthy of being in a Star Wars flick. They are so mean that just three of them sent two Jedi force-running for the hills. They have shields and crazy rapid fire blasters and if you squint your eyes, they look like Aliens and Predator had a robot baby.


More (Cool) Jedi (Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn, Plo Koon)

One of the two good things in Episode 1 is that for the first time in the Star Wars films, you get to see more than the 3 Jedi already presented in the series. It's so cool in fact, that it almost makes up for the puke bucket that is The Phantom Menace... but not quite.

While Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn and Plo Koon are wicked, badass Jedi that everyone could get behind, our old boy George "Georgie-Boy" Lucas had other plans. Instead of adding 3 or 4 more Jedi to the story, keeping the numbers relatively small and therefore concentrating the mystique and coolness the Jedi had in the original trilogy, he decided to make like a million of them. As a result of this ridiculous buffoonery, for every amazingly Jedi introduced in the films, there are about 3-4 embarrassingly bad entries. Just google "Oppo Rancisis" or Yarael Poof for a small taste of what old GL thought might be a good look for some of the other Jedi. Luckily, hidden in the pile of waste that is Ep 2, we get Kit Fisto and Shaak Ti (not great but they're ok) while The Clone Wars cartoon gives us Voolvif Monn and Foul Moudama (watch the episodes and you'll like them) to offset all the ridiculous, stupid looking Jedi that would flood the series.

And again, if you squint your eyes, Plo Koon kind of looks like Predator and Alien had a Jedi baby.

More (cool) Sith (Darth Maul, Asajj Ventress)
If more (cool) Jedi are one of the good things the prequels had to offer, then their counterparts in the Sith couldn't be too far off.

The best and most memorable character introduced into the prequels is easily Darth Maul. Just to show you the genius at work behind Star Wars these days though, our boy DM is killed in the first movie only to be replaced by a 87 year old guy named Dooku in the next one. Yeah, nice one Lucas, you goddamned moron.

Honourable mention goes again to The Clone Wars (both the movie and cartoons) for introducing Asajj Ventress, the best and closest thing to Darth Maul they could create without Lucas getting wise to the fact that they were actually doing something right.

Double Bladed Lightsaber

Single lightsabers are single cool. Double-bladed lightsabers are double-bladed cool. What a sick idea it was to expand the lightsaber into the realm of other weapons, in this case, famed ninja weapon, the bo.

Just in case you are keeping track, since this is basically a "light-bo" Donatello from Ninja Turtles would have been an amazing Jedi. For that matter, Leonardo would have been able to hold his own as well. In fact, I think it's safe to say the all the Ninja Turtles would have been dominant Jedi Knights.

And now a list of characters I think are basically already Jedi from different places other than Star Wars:

• The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• Batman
• Indiana Jones
• Highlander
• Chris Bosh

General Greivous
He's a robot thing that has 4 arms and 4 lightsabers. I think we all know where I stand when it comes to more sabers. Just to recap: More sabers = More oh yeah man.

While not technically a Sith, he is the best bad guy they came up with since Darth Maul and since he looks a bit like Predator, Alien and Masters of the Universe's Extendar had a baby, he gets on the list by default.


Well that's the list of good things in the Star Wars prequels. Bravo if you actually read the whole thing and you're not a huge Star Wars nerd. Chances are even if you are you still thought I was a real loser for writing this in the first place. But hey man lay off! Oh here's a fun fact, the two images for the jedi and the sith were made by me! It wasn't hard. Are you still reading this? Seeya! -AH